Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Chapter 40 Game Over

``If patterns of ones and zeros were ``like'' patterns of human lives and death, if everything about an individual could be represented in a computer record by a long string of ones and zeros, then what kind of creature would be represented by a long string of lives and deaths?''
Thomas Pynchon

December 2035

I came back to reality, I had completed the game. I realised I had been in THE GAME and that I must go back to my real job as a consultant at the sleep disorders clinic.

But I got some great ratings, in fact it looked as though I was the best in my pool of players which meant I could go onto the next round. Furthermore, I had been asked to appear in a new GAME based on a movie called “Midnight Express” which I was keen to do, although I did not want to get typecast as a drug addict. I mean sure it is interesting but when people see you in the same game over and over again it tends to limit your options. If someone offered me a slot in the GAME conversion of "Trainspotting"

I would relish the chance but at the same time feel concerned about where this heading.

But despite this I was elated a winner, needed, recognised and applauded what more could I want for, but I didn’t sleep well I was excited about what tomorrow held in store.

December 2005

When I woke in the morning I was quite surprised. I found that I was strapped to a bed in a small white room with padded walls. There was a fluorescent light on the ceiling that flickered on and off, its life fading. I watched the rhythmic flashing and wondered, I knew that it was good to wonder, that curiosity lead to insight and discovery.

I read in the paper that , “A fallen businessman who made millions out of internet pornography has been injecting $4,500 worth of heroin daily, a Brisbane court has heard. Greg Shiraz Lasrado, 35, of Kenmore Hills in Brisbane's west, was released on bail after a brief appearance in the Brisbane Magistrates Court charged with possession of a dangerous drug.”

“Now David, have you come back to reality yet? Or are you still focused on your delusions about THE GAME?”

“You know Dave you were right, it is a game inside a game, inside a game………………………………………………… infinitum”

I turn on the TV and watch a bloke who is speaking , “The whole event is an illusion created in your mind, a game inside a game inside a game, that’s what life is a never ending fractal of events, like so many Russian dolls one inside the other”, the power faded and the TV screen flickered and then faded into black.

There is no GAME, I am in Walston Park Psychiatric Hospital. The doctors are trying to eradicate my persistent delusions, as I lie restrained in a straight jacket and dressed in a white gown, what the fuck.

I cant handle this shit, after weeks restrained I escape and take a jump from a 5th story building head first into the concrete, GAME OVER.

The Timeless zone

"So little soul what did you learn from your time on earth? ", God asks.

“Yeah, life is a game inside a game inside a game”, I said.

I paused for a moment and then continued, "The universe is a universe, within a universe, within a universe, within a universe, within a universe……………………………Life is an illusion, drugs are an illusion, within an illusion called reality. The end is the beginning and the beginning is the end, like a lotus flower within each petal of a lotus flower. "

“Not quite, but shall we say, you are making some progress, what else did you learn?”, said God.

"Well God, I guess the final lesson for me in this game is that earth is seriously fucked up. I mean they are fucking destroying the planet, slaughtering the animals on mass, polluting the water, killing the trees and becoming obsessed with most inane bullshit. I mean at present on earth they have this thing about sex and like whether you like to screw people of the same gender or the opposite gender, and they kill each other over that. They fight wars over who really knows god and has his ear, and they all say that killing is wrong yet everyone of these religions has been involved in war at some time.

“Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world.”
Karl Kraus

In their society sexual activity between women and men is exciting, sex between two women is damn fine, sex between a bloke and two or three or four or 20 women is fucking hot , but sexual activity between men it is threatening, perverse and likely to provoke violence.

There is no more effective way to provoke a straight man than to question his sexuality. So men live in constant fear of being tainted, for once touched they are forever defiled. Bloody mad isn’t it. This irrational fear that men have constrains behaviour in many ways.

Men who have never had a homosexual thought in their lives are afraid of being thought of as gay. Sexuality is not a one way street, it as Gore Vidal noted an adjective and not a noun, sexuality is dynamic and fluid. The idea that a sexual act becomes an identity seems absurd, its like classifying people based on the type of sweets they like, “Oh he’s a chocolate, us icecreams don’t associate with them, I mean come on chocolate how disgusting, I think all chocolate eaters should be shot. “

The profound terror most men exhibit when faced with homosexuality is absurd to say the least. I was But in order to fear something you must know it, you must have felt it, thus all men who exhibit homophobia have felt attracted to other males at one time or another. Validating the idea that in essence we are all bisexual.

A phobia it is an irrational fear, and the reaction of men to homosexuality reflects this. In my experience growing up it was often expressed in my peer group that it would be better to die that to be gay. This was a thought I absorbed, fortunately I was not successful in fulfilling it, although I tried.
Its common to see lesbian themes presented to women and all of the women I have been with in my life have enjoyed lesbian fantasies. They were not gay, they liked men, but were comfortable imagining or participating in liaisons with other women.

“All things come out of the one and the one out of all things”

“There is only one word, there is only one person, one place, one food, one idea, one movie, one song, one book, one medicine, one plant, one animal, one sexuality…..”


“The Eternal generates the One. The One generates the Two. The Two generates the Three. The Three generates all things. “

- Lao-Tzu

“Yeh I get the idea alright, so your saying that There is only one password for everything, yeah well I’ve got so many fucking passwords now you know, for the email, my computer login, database login, dating website login, gaming site login, isp login ………………………. ………………

“No what I am really trying to say is that there is only one sexuality and depending on what you focus on and your social environment will determine what you decide is erotic. People who choose what we would call a homosexual orientation are sexual rebels, maybe they have a high sex drive, maybe they are simply unconventional, these people are willing to step out side of the sexual dictates as established by our society. Imagination, stimulation and

“Admittedly, a homosexual can be conditioned to react sexually to a woman, or to an old boot for that matter. In fact, both homo - and heterosexual experimental subjects have been conditioned to react sexually to an old boot, and you can save a lot of money that way. “
William S. Burroughs

If you get a gay bloke, blind fold him and get a chick to suck his dick and tell him it’s a male, he will probably get off, get a guy to lick a lesbians pussy and tell her it’s a girl, sex occurs in the brain, what we imagine in side is the most important aspect of sexual interaction. What occurs in the brain is based upon our highly unreliable system of perception. Everyone is capable of being stimulated by touch and tongue.

"Work sucks … School sucks … Life sucks … What else can I say?" he wrote. "Metal and Goth kick ass. Life is like a video game, you gotta die sometime."

Kimveer Gill the 'angel of death'


1 comment:

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